Richard Keats
Start of the Match
- “It's official... we're fucked!”
- ―Starting a match that isn't single-player
- “It's not my fault! Navarro distracted me!”
- ―Starting a match when another player is playing as Michael Navarro
- “So I'm the only one who survived the crash?... Eh, I blame Navarro...”
- ―Starting a single-player match
Weapons
- “Only a non-Keats' Firearms weapon could be this horrible.”
- ―Obtaining a bad weapon
- “*Sigh* It will do...”
- ―Obtaining a decent weapon
- “Man, this thing is small. Hopefully it will work...”
- ―Obtaining a pistol
- “Now all I need is a shot glass! Ha! Get it guys? Shayla? Fuck you.”
- ―Obtaining a shotgun when a player is Shayla Cohen and there is at least two other players with male characters
- “Now all I need is a shot glass! Ha! Get it guys? Fuck you.”
- ―Obtaining a shotgun when there is more then one other player that has a male character, and Shayla Cohen is not present in the match
- “Now all I need is a shot glass! Ha! Get it Shayla? Fuck you.”
- ―Obtaining a shotgun on two-player when the other player is Shayla Cohen
- “Now all I need is a shot glass! Ha! Get it Navarro? Fuck you.”
- ―Obtaining a shotgun on two-player when the other player is Michael Navarro
- “Now all I need is a shot glass! Ha! Get it Chris? Fuck you.”
- ―Obtaining a shotgun on two-player when the other player is Christopher Nooring
- “Now all I need is a shot glass! Ha! Get it Doug? I know, it was a good joke, wasn't it!?”
- ―Obtaining a shotgun on two-player when the other player is playing as the secret unlockable character, Douglas
- “Now all I need is a shot glass! Ha! I'm funny!”
- ―Obtaining a shotgun on one-player
- “Now all I need is a shot glass!”
- ―Obtaining a shotgun
- “Aww... the most iconic weapon of my company! And so cheap too!”
- ―Buying the LEH-1 (650 Points)
- “Why do I always have to get this Jap-Crap!?”
- ―Getting the Arisaka from the Auto-Changer Machine
- “A pistol worthy of Keats' Firearms!”
- ―Getting the Desert Eagle from the Auto-Changer Machine
- “It's not a Keats' Firearms weapon, and yet it is useful! Is this even possible!?”
- ―Getting the FG42 from the Auto-Changer Machine
- “This isn't even logical! How on earth did they create something like this? Aw, fuck it, I'm using it anyway!”
- ―Getting the Gersch Device from the Auto-Changer Machine
- “Why doesn't my company have something like this? NAVARRO! ADD A BLACK HOLE BOMB TO THE WISH LIST!”
- ―Getting the Gersch Device from the Auto-Changer Machine in a match were another player is Michael Navarro
- “I spent 1000 points to get this!? When I could of spent 650 points to get it!? Stupid machine! Your ripping me off!”
- ―Getting the LEH-1 from the Auto-Changer Machine
- “Odd... why does this have Warsaw Camo when no other weapon from this stupid machine does?... It looks nice.”
- ―Getting the Spectre w/ Warsaw Camo and Reflex Sight from the Auto-Changer Machine
- “CURSE YOU! YOU STUPID, WORTHLESS, MACHINE!”
- ―Getting the Springfield w/ Scope from the Auto-Changer Machine
- “What the hell is this supposed to be!?”
- ―Getting the WA2000 w/ Thermal Scope from the Auto-Changer Machine
- “This is definitly a wonderful weapon!”
- ―Getting the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Auto-Changer Machine
- “Such a wonderful weapon! We need something like this!”
- ―Getting the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Auto-Changer Machine
- “Such a wonderful weapon! We need something like this! Navarro! Add a "wonderful weapon" to the wish list!”
- ―Getting the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Auto-Changer Machine (if another player is playing as Michael Navarro)
Power-Ups
- “Money for all!”
- ―Getting Double Points in a non-single-player match
- “Now I can instantly kill them!? Well, that would already be the case if I was using a KF weapon, but thanks anyway strange demonic voice!”
- ―Getting Insta-Kill when you don't have any Keat's Firearms weapons
- “Maximum ammo means MAXIMUM FUN!”
- ―Getting Max Ammo
- “Well, the Chaingun I made is much better, but it will have to do!”
- ―Getting Death Machine
Zombie Reactions
- “Fear the wrath of Keats' Firearms!”
- ―Randomly said while fighting Zombie[src]
- “Fear the wrath of Keats' Firearms!.... Please?”
- ―Randomly said while fighting zombies
- “You are dead!”
- ―After killing a zombie
- “You don't kill me, I kill you!”
- ―Killing a zombie right after getting hit by said zombie
- “Look at them all fall before my might! Ha ha!”
- ―Killing multiple zombies in a non-single-player match
- “OKAY EVERYONE! CLASS IS IN SESSION! TAKE YOUR SEATS! I SAID TAKE YOUR SEATS!”
- ―Going on a massive killing spree (Reference to the Machinima series, Freeman's Mind)
- “DAMN IT BILLY, YOU TOO!”
- ―Getting a headshot after the above quote is said (Reference to the Machinima series, Freeman's Mind)
- “Wow, my company ought to make one of these!”
- ―Killing a group of zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-2
- “A bullet to the head will make any zombie dead!”
- ―Getting a headshot
Easter Eggs
- “Ooookaaaayyyy.... This isn't odd or anything...”
- ―Activating the hidden song, "Zombie Paradise"
Other
- “God, these things smell! Have they ever heard of a bath!”
- ―Randomly when zombies are in sight
- “For the first time in my life, I don't have enough money to buy what I want! This sucks!”
- ―Trying to buy something you don't have enough points for
- “Aww... Navarro, look! The cute little rescue dogs are coming to save us!!.... Oh... crap....”
- ―A Hound Round starts and another player is playing as Michael Navarro
- “Why!? Why can't the security gaurds be on our side!?”
- ―A Security Round starts in a non-single-player match\
- “Why!? Why can't the security gaurds be on my side!?”
- ―A Security Round starts in a single-player match
- “Double the enemy means double the death!”
- ―A Death Round starts
- “Double the enemy means double the death! Let's just make sure that death doesn't apply to any of us!”
- ―A Death Round starts
- “Come on you stupid piece of plastic! Get me something good for once!”
- ―Using the Auto-Changer Machine after 3 bad weapons in a row have been obtained form it.
- “Well, that's a lucky break!”
- ―The second half of the map is opened
Start of the Match
Weapons
Power-Ups
Zombie Reactions
Easter Eggs
- “It's just a lie? I wonder what that is supposed to mean?”
- ―Seeing the message on the wall
Other
Shayla Cohen
Start of the Match
- “You know, if I was the one driving we wouldn't be stuck in this fucking place!”
- ―Start of the Match
Weapons
- “*sigh* Keats never shut ups about this stupid thing.”
- ―Obtaining the LEH-1
Power-Ups
Zombie Reactions
Easter Eggs
- “What's just a lie? Fuck it, I don't care.”
- ―Seeing the message on the wall
Other
Christopher Nooring
Start of the Match
- “Weeeeelllll..... we're screwed.”
- ―Start of the match
Weapons
Power-Ups
Zombie Reactions
- “God damn it, that hurt!”
- ―Getting hit by a zombie
Easter Eggs
- “What's just a lie? Cake? I don't understand.”
- ―Seeing the message on the wall
Other
Notes
What weapons are what?
Good, Decent, or Bad
Best
Good
Decent
- Bouncing Betty x2
- KCR-5
- KEW-7
- KML-2
- LEH-1
- M1 Garand
- Spectre w/ Warsaw Camo and Reflex Sight
- Stielhandgranate
Bad
SMG, Shotgun, etc.
Pistols
SMGs
- KEW-9
- PPSh-41
- Spectre w/ Warsaw Camo and Reflex Sight